...Whether they grow into men who abuse in retaliation or who heal and grow into allies and good friends, depends largely on how we frame the airing of boyhood sexual abuse.
"The greatest terror a child can have is that he is not loved, and rejection is the hell he fears. I think everyone in the world to a large or small extent has felt rejection. And with rejection comes anger, and with anger some kind of crime in revenge for the rejection, and with the crime guilt – and there is the story of mankind." — John Steinbeck, East of Eden, 1952
"We gain strength and courage and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot." ~ Eleanor Roosevelt
A large percentage of women who were assaulted said they had a bad feeling before the fact but just thought they were being jumpy for no reason...
The bystander effect is often sited when violence happens in broad daylight or in crowds (or both) and no one helps.
During a physical attack in which you suddenly find yourself in grave danger - you know it - feel it - make your first attack really count and then follow up with a fury of unrelenting animalistic movements.
Tell your teen daughters that DRINKING TOO MUCH TOO FAST or accepting drinks from people they don't KNOW WELL turns them into an easy target for other impaired or malicious kids at parties.
I almost didn't post this since it seems to just confuse people. But it certainly gets conversations started... so I'm posting it against my better judgement.
Listen to my Unlocking The Secrets of Women's Self Defense, call with Tera Warner.
Here's What People Said About the podcast:
"The imagery in this call was necessary. Tough to listen to, but necessary. I tell my kid that the only time it's ok to bite or kick is when someone is trying to hurt her, but do I have the strength to take my own advice, should the worst happen?..."
Here'a a good example of what happens when you don't have any idea about a predators day at the office.
Erik Kondo of Not-Me.org strikes again for Women's Self Defense. Erik Created a Causes.com site to warn women with disabilities about online predators. Today he wrote...
Perhaps one of the most important yet invisible techniques of self defense (protective offense) is understanding the ins and outs of your own powers of perception...
This week the House of Representatives will be voting on the reauthorization of the VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN ACT (VAWA).
I posted about this a while back and it's just coming to court now. I don't normally post the ugly stuff but this is just one of those really bizaar cases that bares further study on many levels.
Where does the "Us" or "Them" mentality originate? Naturally there's an evolutionary predisposition to put the needs, ideas and rules or your group first so that you band together, feed and protect each other.
But where does this protection mechanism take us over and become prejudice? Could any of us discriminate against anyone different in any way given the right (or wrong) circumstances? How about based on eye color or whether or not you can curl your tongue!
The recent storms and subsequent damage after Hurricane Sandy are a strong reminder that having a solid plan BEFORE a disaster strikes or an emergency occurs is critical. In an emergency, how ready are you?
Various Postings from the Mommy And Me Self Defense Facebook Page: There is a policeman posted outside my son's school today.... What if there were safe rooms inside schools? Expensive? Maybe. But I bet there are parents and construction workers who would gladly help convert closets to bullet proof rooms children could be taught to hide in at the sound of bell....
For parents with little or no time to themselves, fitting in a workout is often a really low priority. We are busier than ever, gaining weight, losing strength and spending too much time feeling guilty. Is there a real honest no BS answer to this modern dilemma? A way to be healthy and in shape without needing to find two hours to get to a gym, change and shower?
Preserving your health is a primary self defense technique! As many found during the recent storm, the healthier you are the more quickly you can make decisions and act on them. If you don't do it for yourself, do it for your kids. They get many lifelong habits from you.
Food becomes predatory this time of year. It's after us! My family just barely made it through Halloween. We managed to hide most of the candy for next year. Thanksgiving was manageable, but Christmas is lurking ahead...
(Final Installment of:A Frankenstorm Warning, or One Gallon, Per Person, Per Day)
A lot of emergency preparation is about imagination. We have this vision of a disaster being all encompassing, but more often what is an inconvenience for most (ie: no electric for a few days) is a disaster for a small number of people or families (ie: your first floor destroyed by water and mold). Things could be fine across the river or even down the road and your town could be under water.
(Sequel to: A Frankenstorm Warning (or One Gallon, Per Person, Per Day)
There are four generally understood survival necessities: Water, Fire, Shelter, Food. Food is often last since most humans can survive longer without it than water or shelter from rain and cold...
There are tons of survival websites with information on procuring supplies and battening down the hatches. But in talking to people in my neighborhood, I was surprised how many of them hadn't even put enough water aside for a few days. 1 gallon of water per person per day. That's one survival rule everyone should be aware of, especially those with children counting on them.
I've been seeing new women's self defense product sites popping up all over. They advertise pink tasers and lip stick pepper sprays created, packaged and marketed specifically for women.... if you're going to take the precious time you have to reach into your bag, you should be reaching for the best resource available to you. It should be something YOU are comfortable using. Something you've thought about ahead of time. Something that fits into your bag and your life.
Let me know if you think I'm right or wrong! On the bus a few days ago I watched something unravel that I ultimately labeled as a brilliant scam.
Leaving for a trip can be almost as stressful as vacationing is relaxing. Packing for yourself and the kids… arranging for pets, the mail, the garbage. When we’re stressed, we forget things, and if we have kids, though life may be grand, stress is always looming. Distracted people are a criminal’s crème brulee.
If you have kids with you and someone attacks you, I'm all for the lethal options. Save yourself and children, worry about the consequences later. Stay alive. For any and all other situations here are the non-lethal options...
The Light in Her Eyes is a new documentary film about the power of women to change things by learning. Watch the trailer. It's worth the 2 minutes if you have any interest at all in where women stand in the world.
"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing."
~ Helen Keller
I’ve been practicing martial arts of various kinds for over 25 years. I did crazy stuff. Played with knives and Navy SEALS. But the hardest thing I ever did was to have my son.
Here are some random concepts my research led me too. I offer these to you, women and moms, as tools for growth, empowerment and protecting the babies who count on us, God forbid it should it ever be necessary.
Have you ever heard of a self defense CD? How about one for Moms Only? That's because Baby Steps is the only CD of it's kind. I created it for moms like me who found themselves frazzled, exhausted and feeling weak and distracted with no time even to get to the gym.
We teach kids to be non-violent and that's important. But there's a place for violence too. The unwillingness to use violence as a tool if it becomes necessary as the only remaining life-saving grace, is like not eating the stockpile of candy when it's the only food you have left.
Pulled over on the street today and called an ambulance for a guy in his 60s passed out on someone's steps out in Jersey.
Next time you find yourself standing around with other moms discussing how you never work out... work out!
Have you ever seen anyone have a heart attack or stroke? Would you know what to do? It's not hard for the most part.
Approach gender violence as a MEN’S issue involving men of all ages and socioeconomic, racial and ethnic backgrounds. View men not only as perpetrators or possible offenders, but as empowered bystanders who can confront abusive peers...
I was chatting with a friend today and we got on the subject of what the single most important self defense technique might be. Before I could speak, she took the words right out of my mouth when she said "keeping your cool in a crisis."
Also easier said than done.
There's lots more you can add than what I've suggested, but I don't want to overwhelm you and keep you from starting with the basic lifesavers which are often enough!
1. Always try to have a plan. If you are going somewhere alone or with kids - even a short distance - prepare for the things that usually go wrong.
You might not think of this as protective offense but head injuries, drowning and choking kill more kids than anything else.
PEPPER SPRAY doesn't always work. It can be a good thing to carry. But you have to have a back up plan.
There are situations where I feel vulnerable, given the fact that I am often single-handedly not only looking out for myself, but my small children. When my firstborn was barely a walker, we got approached in a large, full outdoor parking lot by a panhandler...
I was at a birthday party at one of those play places with my son recently. I understand the pull of the giant blow up toys! I do. Bouncy things and tunnels to crawl through. But some of them are a disaster waiting to happen. Too much chaos, not enough eyes on kids.
"Protective Offense is the study of dealing with adversity, of high-speed problem solving, of projecting and reaching goals. It’s the study of disarming bad situations, of survival, perseverance and awareness, of dynamic rather than passive living..."
10 Things About Criminals:
1. Size matters. Size, strength, height and leverage all have a bearing on which techniques will work. Techniques that work for people of approximately the same size and strength do not always translate. You need a step ladder to reach a shelf, a painters ladder to reach the roof... but you need a rocket ship to reach the moon...
Don't reason away your instincts. If you get a "bad vibe" from someone don't ignore it. Stay alert and see if you can figure out what your intuition is telling you....
This happened in 2010 but it is still relevant. Nice to hear a story with a good ending like this once in a while....
A violent attack can be detected before it occurs by learning to notice various signals. There are steps you can take to disarm an attack at various stages before it occurs. These are not exciting superhero techniques for thwarting crime. They are logical, well-researched, methodical ways of taking yourself and your loved ones off a criminals radar....
...NO instructor should teach [self defense] without addressing the emotional and mental weapon first..."